Blooming Autumn (2018)

- for my brother at sixteen 

Embracing light leaks, dust, scratches and damage, this work investigates the duration of youth: those cloudy notions of the self in the most significant years of 'becoming'.

I observe my brother, Zsombor, initially on a late-autumn afternoon emerging from his childhood. I look at the choreography formed by his own nature and listen to him while he tries to define himself. I watch him struggling to find a comfortable posture, a place for his long hands, which gives me greater appreciation for the privacy of a sibling relationship. 

As a photographer, I seek the right form which complements his body shapes, whilst simultaneously hoping to provide that universal space for memory, as a re-occurring feeling of youth which awakens in many us when looking at the young body, before starting to fade again in the texture of time. 

As a sister, I am seeking for the boy, who I fought so much with, but taught so much to. I tend to forget those seven years of my life before him. I analyse the hands, the limbs, the face like a physician because all I see is change and transformation. There is a guilt in the dark tone of these photographs, the failure of my care, a responsibility to fulfil - as an older sister - but being unable to be there. 

The darkroom prints placed into the chemicals, reveal the human form growing older, however, they also uncover the damages caused on the material by the handling of the negatives.